The Purple Land: Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I spent several days at the colony; and I suppose the life I led there
had a demoralising effect on me, for, unpleasant as it was, every day
I felt less inclined to break loose from it, and sometimes I even
thought seriously of settling down there myself. This crazy idea,
however, would usually come to me late in the day, after a great deal
of indulgence in rum and tea, a mixture that would very soon drive any
man mad.

One afternoon, at one of our convivial meetings, it was resolved to
pay a visit to the little town of Tolosa, about eighteen miles to the
east of the colony. Next day we set out, every man wearing a revolver
slung at his waist, and provided with a heavy _poncho_ for
covering; for it was the custom of the colonists to spend the night
at Tolosa when they visited it. We put up at a large public-house in
the centre of the miserable little town, where there was accommodation
for man and beast, the last always faring rather better than the first.
I very soon discovered that the chief object of our visit was to vary
the entertainment of drinking rum and smoking at the "Colony," by
drinking rum and smoking at Tolosa. The bibulous battle raged till
bedtime, when the only sober member of our party was myself; for I had
spent the greater part of the afternoon walking about talking to the
townspeople, in the hope of picking up some information useful to me
in my search for occupation. But the women and old men I met gave me
little encouragement. They seemed to be a rather listless set in Tolosa,
and when I asked them what they were doing to make a livelihood, they
said they were _waiting._ My fellow-countrymen and their visit
to the town was the principal topic of conversation. They regarded
their English neighbours as strange and dangerous creatures, who took
no solid food, but subsisted on a mixture of rum and gunpowder (which
was the truth), and who were armed with deadly engines called revolvers,
invented specially for them by their father the devil. The day's
experience convinced me that the English colony had some excuse forits
existence, since its periodical visits gave the good people of
Tolosa a little wholesome excitement during the stagnant intervals
between the revolutions.

At night we all turned into a large room with a clay floor, in which
there was not a single article of furniture. Our saddles, rugs, and
_ponchos_ had all been thrown together in a corner, and anyone wishing
to sleep had to make himself a bed with his own horse-gear and toggery
as best he could. The experience was nothing new to me, so I soon made
myself a comfortable nest on the floor, and, pulling off my boots,
coiled myself up like an opossum that knows nothing better and is
friendly with fleas. My friends, however, were evidently bent on making
a night of it, and had taken care to provide themselves with three or
four bottles of rum. After conversation, with an occasional song, had
been going on for some time, one of them--a Mr. Chillingworth--rose
to his feet and demanded silence.

"Gentlemen," he said, advancing into the middle of the room, where,
by occasionally throwing out his arms to balance himself, he managed
to maintain a tolerably erect position, "I am going to make a
what-d'ye-call-it."

Furious cheers greeted this announcement, while one of the hearers,
carried away with enthusiasm at the prospect of listening to his
friend's eloquence, discharged his revolver at the roof, scattering
confusion amongst a legion of long-legged spiders that occupied the
dusty cobwebs above our heads.

I was afraid the whole town would be up in arms at our carryings on,
but they assured me that they all fired off their revolvers in that
room and that nobody came near them, as they were so well known in the
town.

"Gentlemen," continued Mr. Chillingworth, when order had been at length
restored, "I've been thinking, that's what I've been doing. Now let's
review the situation. Here we stand, a colony of English gentlemen:
here we are, don't you know, far from our homes and country and all
that sort of thing. What says the poet? I daresay some of you fellows
remember the passage. But what for, I ask! What, gentlemen, is the
object of our being here? That's just what I'm going to tell you, don't
you know. We are here, gentlemen, to infuse a little of our Anglo-Saxon
energy, and all that sort of thing, into this dilapidated old tin-pot
of a nation."

Here the orator was encouraged by a burst of applause.

"Now, gentlemen," he continued, "isn't it hard--devilish hard, don't
you know, that so little is made of us? I feel it--I feel it, gentlemen;
our lives are being frittered away. I don't know whether you fellows
feel it. You see, we ain't a melancholy lot. We're a glorious
combination against the blue devils, that's what we are. Only sometimes
I feel, don't you know, that all the rum in the place can't quite kill
them. I can't help thinking of jolly days on the other side of the
water. Now, don't you fellows look at me as if you thought I was going
to blubber. I'm not going to make such a confounded ass of myself,
don't you know. But what I want you fellows to tell me is this: Are
we to go on all our lives making beasts of ourselves, guzzling rum--I--I
beg your pardon, gentlemen. I didn't mean to say that, really. Rum is
about the only decent thing in this place. Rum keeps us alive. If any
man says a word against rum, I'll call him an infernal ass. I meant
to say the country, gentlemen--this rotten old country, don't you know.
No cricket, no society, no Bass, no anything. Supposing we had gone
to Canada with our--our capital and energies, wouldn't they have
received us with open arms? And what's the reception we get here? Now,
gentlemen, what I propose is this: let's protest. Let's get up a
what-d'you-call-it to the thing they call a government. We'll state
our case to the thing, gentlemen; and we'll insist on it and be very
firm; that's what we'll do, don't you know. Are we to live amongst
these miserable monkeys and give them the benefit of our--our--yes,
gentlemen, our capital and energies, and get nothing in return? No,
no; we must let them know that we are not satisfied, that we will be
very angry with them. That's about all I have to say, gentlemen."

Loud applause followed, during which the orator sat down rather suddenly
on the floor. Then followed "Rule Britannia," everyone assisting with
all the breath in his lungs to make night hideous.

When the song was finished the loud snoring of Captain Wriothesley
became audible. He had begun to spread some rugs to lie on, but,
becoming hopelessly entangled in his bridle-reins, surcingle, and
stirrup-straps, had fallen to sleep with his feet on his saddle and
his head on the floor.

"Hallo, we can't have this!" shouted one of the fellows. "Let's wake
old Cloud by firing at the wall over him and knocking some plaster on
to his head. It'll be awful fun, you know."

Everybody was delighted with the proposal, except poor Chillingworth,
who, after delivering his speech, had crept away on all fours into a
corner, where he was sitting alone and looking very pale and miserable.

The firing now began, most of the bullets hitting the wall only a few
inches above the recumbent Captain's head, scattering dust and bits
of plaster over his purple face. I jumped up in alarm and rushed amongst
them, telling them in my haste that they were too drunk to hold their
revolvers properly, and would kill their friend.

My interference raised a loud, angry remonstrance, in the midst of
which the Captain, who was lying in a most uncomfortable position,
woke, and, struggling into a sitting posture, stared vacantly at us,
his reins and straps wound like serpents about his neck and arms.

"What's all the row 'bout?" he demanded huskily. "Getting up rev'lution,
I s'pose. A'right; only thing to do in this country. Only don't ask
me to be pres'dent. Nor good enough. Goo' night, boys; don't cut my
throat by mistake. Gor bless you all."

"No, no, don't go to sleep, Cloud," they shouted. "Lamb's the cause
of all this. He says we're drunk--that's the way Lamb repays our
hospitality. We were firing to wake you up, old Cap, to have a drink--"

"A drink--yes," assented the Captain hoarsely.

"And Lamb was afraid we would injure you. Tell him, old Cloud, whether
you're afraid of your friends. Tell Lamb what you think of his conduct."

"Yes, I'll tell him," returned the Captain in his thick tones. "Lamb
shan't interfere, gentlemen. But you know you took him in, didn't you,
now? And what was my opinion of him? It wasn't right of you fellows,
was it, now? He couldn't be one of us, you know, could he now? I'll
leave it to you, gentlemen; didn't I say the fellow was a cad? Why the
devil doesn't he leave me alone then? I'll tell you what I'll do with
Lamb, I'll punch his damned nose, don't you know."

And here the gallant gentleman attempted to rise, but his legs refused
to assist him, and, tumbling back against the wall, he was only able
to glare at me out of his watery eyes.

I went up to him, intending, I suppose, to punch _his_ nose, but,
suddenly changing my mind, I merely picked up my saddle and things,
then left the room with a hearty curse on Captain Cloudesley
Wriothesley, the evil genius, drunk or sober, of the colony of English
gentlemen. I was no sooner outside the door than the joy they felt at
being rid of me was expressed in loud shouts, clapping of hands, and
a general discharge of firearms into the roof.

I spread my rugs out of doors and soliloquised myself to sleep. "And
so ends," said I, fixing my somewhat drowsy eyes on the constellation
of Orion, "adventure the second, or twenty-second--little does it
matter about the exact number of them, since they all alike end in
smoke--revolver smoke--or a flourish of knives and the shaking of dust
from off my feet. And, perhaps, at this very moment Paqu�ta, roused
from light slumbers by the droning cry of the night-watchman under her
window, puts out her arms to feel me, and sighs to find my place still
vacant. What must I say to her? That I must change my name to Ernandes
or Fernandes, or Blas or Chas, or Sandariaga, Gorostiaga, Madariaga,
or any other 'aga,' and conspire to overthrow the existing order of
things. There is nothing else for me to do, since this Oriental world
is indeed an oyster only a sharp sword will serve to open. As for arms
and armies and military training, all that is quite unnecessary. One
has only got to bring together a few ragged, dissatisfied men, and,
taking horse, charge pell-mell into poor Mr. Chillingworth's dilapidated
old tin-pot. I almost feel like that unhappy gentleman to-night, ready
to blubber. But, after all, my position is not quite so hopeless as
his; I have no brutalised, purple-nosed Briton sitting like a nightmare
on my chest, pressing the life out of me."

The shouts and choruses of the revellers grew fainter and fewer, and
had almost ceased when I sank to sleep, lulled by a solitary tipsy
voice droning out in a lugubrious key:

We won't go--home till morning.

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