Bressant: Chapter 23

Chapter 23

ARMED NEUTRALITY.

One afternoon in the cool heart of October, Cornelia and Sophie found
themselves on the hill which rose up in front of the house, above the
road, bound on a hunt for autumn leaves. They were alone. Bressant's
time for coming was still an hour distant. A few nights before there had
been a frost, which had inspired a rainbow soul into the woods; and the
glory of the golden and crimson leaves made it imperatively necessary
that they should be gathered and allowed to illuminate the dusky
interior of the Parsonage.

Since Cornelia's return home, the sisters had not been so much together
as formerly. Sophie had observed it, and secretly blamed herself: she
allowed Bressant to monopolize her--left Cornelia out in the cold--was
selfish and thoughtless just because she was happy--and so forth: taking
herself severely to task, and resolving to amend her behavior forthwith.
But there seemed to be some difficulty in the way of consummating her
best intentions.

Cornelia was no longer so easily to be come at; she did not volunteer
herself now in the liberal, joyous way she used to do; did not, in fact,
appear half so ready to do her share in the work of reconstruction. It
began to force itself upon Sophie that the edifice of their former
relations was not lightly to be rebuilt; and the growth of this
conviction occasioned her to mar her ordinarily serene and justly
harmonized existence with sundry little fits of crying and other
mournful indulgences.

As for Cornelia, if she noticed the estrangement at all, she did not
allow it to occasion her any anxiety. Jealousy and discontent are more
self-absorbing passions than love, and they closed her eyes to whatever
they did not involve. Yet the effect of the estrangement was more
hurtful upon her than upon Sophie; for never had her pure-minded
sister's influence been so needful to her as now, when the very nature
of the malady forbade its being so relieved.

But this afternoon it had so happened that they found themselves
together, on the hill. Each had filled a basket with the most brilliant,
or harmonious, or vividly contrasted colors they could find. They had
emerged from the wood into the clear autumn sunshine which rested upon
the hill-side, and sat down upon a gray knee of rock, encased with crisp
gray and black lichens. Below lay the Parsonage, with its
weather-blackened, shingled roof, and the garden, full of shrubbery,
intersected by winding paths, the fountain in the centre. The stony road
wound around the spur of the hill, and was visible here and there, in
its slopes and turnings on the way to the village, light buff between
the many-colored bordering of foliage. The winding valley looked like
Nature's color-box; the tall hills beyond, sleeping beneath their
Persian shawls, contrasted richly with the cool pearl-gray of the lower
sky behind them. Away to the right, though seemingly nearer than from
the road below, rose the white steeple of the meeting-house, and,
peeping out around it, the roofs and gable-ends of the village houses.

"There could not be a more lovely place to be happy in!" said Sophie,
sighing from excess of pleasure.

"Any place is as lovely as another when you're in love, I suppose,"
remarked her sister; "that is, if being in love is as nice as poets say
it is."

Sophie looked around with a smile, implying that the best description a
poet ever wrote could give but a faint impression of the reality.

"But," pursued Cornelia, "don't you find it very stupid when he's away?
The happier you are with him, the unhappier you'd be without him, I
should think."

"Oh, no, dear!" returned Sophie. "I'm happy mostly, because I know he
cares for me more than for any one else in the world, and because I know
he's one of the best and truest of men. I can feel that, you know, just
as much when he's at Abbie's, as when he's here. The happiness of love
isn't all in seeing and hearing, and--all that tangible part."

"Don't it make any difference, then, if you never Bee one another from
the day you're engaged until you're married?"

Sophie began to blush, as she generally did when called upon to speak of
her love. "Of course, it's delicious to be together," said she, "and it
would be very sad if we could not meet. But it would be more sad to
think that our love depended on meeting."

"Well, it may be so to you," returned Cornelia, picking lichens from the
rock and crushing them between her rounded fingers; "but my idea is that
the whole object of being engaged and married is to be together all the
time. I don't see what on earth we are made visible and tangible for,
unless to be seen and touched by the persons we love."

Sophie looked distressed, and a little embarrassed.

"You can't think our bodies are the most important part of us, Neelie,
dear? It's our souls that love and are loved, you know. How could we
love in heaven if it were not so?"

"Oh, I don't know any thing about that. It's love in this world I'm
speaking of. I believe it has as much to do with flesh and blood, as an
instrument has with the music that it makes. What would become of the
music if it wasn't for the instrument?"

"That's a beautiful illustration, my dear," observed Sophie, after a
thoughtful pause, "but I think it can be used better the other way. The
music of love, like other music, is an existence by itself, exclusive of
the flesh-and-blood instruments, which weren't given us to create music,
but to interpret it to our earthly senses. Our souls are the players;
but in the next world we shall be able to perceive the harmony without
need of any medium. We can remember music, too, and enjoy it, long after
we have heard it--that is why we don't need to be always together. And
yet it's always sweet to meet, to hear a new tune; and the number of
tunes is infinite; so love needs all eternity to make itself complete."

When Sophie hit upon an idea which seemed to her spiritually beautiful
and harmonious, she was apt to be carried away--sometimes, perhaps, into
deep water. Yet thus, occasionally, did she catch glimpses of higher
truths than a broader and safer wisdom could have attained. Cornelia
took one of the glowing leaves out of her basket, and looked at it.
Perhaps she saw, in the perfect earthly self-sufficiency of its
splendor, something akin to herself.

"I suppose I don't half appreciate your theory, Sophie, though it's
certainly pretty enough. But you're more soul than body, to begin with,
I believe. For my part, I almost think, sometimes, I could get along
without any soul at all, and never feel the least inconvenience. Perhaps
everybody hasn't a soul--only a few favored ones."

"What is it gives you such thoughts, Neelie?" said her sister, in a tone
which, had it not been charged with so ranch depth of feeling, would
have been plaintive. Her gray, profound eyes, from a slight slanting
upward of the brows above them, took on an expression in harmony with
her tone. "I never knew you to have such, until lately."

"I suppose, until lately, I didn't have any thoughts at all." There was
a pause. Sophie looked away over the beautiful valley, but it could not
drive the shadow of anxious and loving sorrow from her face. Cornelia
busied herself selecting leaves from her basket, and arranging them in a
bouquet. Like them, she was more vividly and variously beautiful since
the frost.

"Do you think men's ideas of love, and such things, are as high as
women's?" asked she presently.

"Why shouldn't they be?" answered Sophie, coming back from her reverie
with a sigh. "I'm sure Bressant's are: if they weren't--"

She sank again into thought, and another long silence followed. This
time Cornelia's hands were still, but she watched Sophie closely.

"Well--suppose they weren't--suppose he were to turn out not quite so
high-minded, and all that, as you think him: you would stop loving him,
wouldn't you?"

"Why do you suggest it!" cried Sophie, almost with a sob. She bent down,
resting her face upon her arms, and against the rock. "That question has
come to me once before. How can I know? If he were to degenerate
now--now, after I have told him that I love him--it must be because he
no longer loved me; and I should have no right to love him, then."

Cornelia looked down, for there was a certain light in her eyes which
had no right to be there. When she thought it was subdued, she raised
them again.

"Shouldn't you hate him always afterward? Shouldn't you want to kill
him?" demanded she, in a low voice.

"I should want to kill only the memory of his unworthiness," replied
Sophie, her voice rising and clearing, while she regarded her sister
with a full, bright glance. "As to hating him--I cannot hate any one I
have loved, Neelie." She raised herself up as she spoke, and sat erect.

"Well, you're a strange girl!" said Cornelia, who was a little confused.
"I don't see how you can ever be either happy or unhappy. Nothing human
seems to have any hold upon you."

"I'm very human," returned Sophie, shaking her head. "There are some
things, I think, would soon drive me out of the world, if God wore to
send them to me."

The idea of death, when brought home to Cornelia, never failed to affect
her. If she had been planning the destruction of an enemy, she would
have wept bitterly at the sight of that enemy's dead body; nay, even at
a vivid account of his death. Sophie's words brought tears to her eyes
at once, and a quaver into her voice.

"Don't--please don't talk that way, dear; it isn't so easy to die as you
think, I'm sure. The idea of dying because anybody was wicked! It's only
because you've been ill, and have got into the habit of expecting to
die, that you have such ideas--isn't it? don't you think so? You'll stop
feeling so as soon as you're well again--won't you?"

"Perhaps," said Sophie, with, it may be, a particle of satire in her
smile.

They now got up from the rock and began to descend toward the Parsonage.
Sophie stepped with a quick but careful precision, never slipping or
missing her footing. Cornelia made short rushes, and daring jumps, often
coining near to fall. Her mind was a Babel of new thoughts; or rather
one idea spoke with many tongues, and made much disturbance.

The greatest crimes are often perpetrated by those who, in their own
phrase, follow the lead of the moment, and let things take their course.
Things never take their own course, in a certain sense; what we do, and
say, and think, creates circumstances and shapes results. There seems
always to be a choice of paths. We profess--and believe--that we are
neutral; that we surrender ourselves to the chance of the current. But
let an evil hope--a dangerous wish--once enter our minds: something we
venture only half to hint to ourselves in the non-committal whispers of
a craven, unacknowledged longing-working secretly within us, it will act
upon our course as a rudder, which, hidden beneath the water, steers the
vessel inevitably toward a certain goal. Perhaps, when the current has
become too swift, and the rudder, clamped in one fatal position, cannot
be turned, we may realize, and recoil; but now, indeed, we follow the
lead of the moment; now, beyond a doubt, we let things take their
course: we are hurried on irresistibly; that which we dared not openly
to name, or fairly to face, now looms awfully above us--an irrevocable,
accomplished fact.

Beyond doubt it would have been safer to have steadily and fearlessly
kept the end in view from the outset: for the full horror of it would
have been visible while yet there was time to change our minds. Few
people have the nerve to jump from a precipice, or stand in way of a
railway-engine, without first shutting their eyes, and perhaps their
ears also.

In Cornelia's mind there was no intention of ruining her sister's
happiness by interfering between her and Bressant; but then she did not
think it likely that to lose him would occasion Sophie any thing more
than a temporary and comparatively trifling degree of suffering. If she
could allow her love for him to depend upon the immaculateness of his
moral character, she did not love him as much as Cornelia, to whose
affection any considerations of that kind were immaterial. What, after
all, was Sophie's love but an idealization, which had, to be sure, taken
Bressant as its object, but which placed no vital dependence upon him?
But Cornelia's love was to her a matter of life and death: she was
quite convinced that to live without Bressant would be an impossibility.

The next question was, whether Bressant was really as good as Sophie
believed him to be. Cornelia did not think he was. Perhaps a secret
sense of his attitude toward her suggested her suspicions; perhaps they
were the result of her New-York experience, which had taught her just
enough about men to make her imagine there was more or less of dark and
indefinite villainy in the composition of all of them; perhaps it was
her wish that fathered her moral misgivings about him--for it must be
confessed that Cornelia was very far from shrinking at the idea of
seeing her suspicions verified.

Indeed, was it not, on all accounts, desirable that, whatever
objectionable points and passages the young man's life-record contained,
should be at once forthcoming? Cornelia could not restrain a feeling of
satisfaction at the growing conviction that it would be doing Sophie a
kind and friendly service to inform her, in time, what a reprobate she
was about to marry--if he only could be proved a reprobate! This
question of proof was the only one difficulty in Cornelia's way; all the
rest was as clear and easy as is generally the case in such matters.

It would not do to lie about it: Cornelia had a natural if not a moral
disinclination to falsehood, and was, moreover, acute enough to see how
strong, in this case, would be the chances of detection. It was not
likely that Sophie would accept upon hearsay any imputations or
accusations against her lover: she would speak to Bressant at once; the
lie would be revealed, and the result would be not only a failure to
alienate Sophie from him, but a certainty of alienating him from
Cornelia.

No; her reliance must be placed upon facts. Whatever she could hear to
the young man's disadvantage that was true, beyond the possibility of
his denial, that she must at once make known to Sophie: it was no less
than her duty. Or, better still, why would it not be enough simply to
inform Bressant of her dark discovery, and compel him, by the threat of
revelation, to give up Sophie of his own accord! Cornelia, in
congratulating herself upon this shrewd idea, did not perceive how
entirely it transformed the whole aspect and spirit of her intention.

So much being arranged, the next thing was to put herself in the way of
learning the objectionable truths which she had persuaded herself
existed. This was rather an awkward point. How should she go to work? to
whom apply? who would be most likely to know, or, knowing, to impart
what Cornelia desired to hear? Aunt Margaret? But it was not certain
that she knew any thing about him more than the little Cornelia had
herself told her: if not useless, it would certainly be rash to make
inquiries of her, especially since it would have to be done by letter.
Aunt Margaret wouldn't do.

Her papa? No, no! that was quite out of the question. He might not
approve--he was old-fashioned--he wouldn't understand the necessity--he
might ask her disagreeable questions--and besides--no, he must be given
up.

But besides Aunt Margaret, and Professor Valeyon, who was there?
Cornelia was quite at a loss. To think of being obliged to give up the
whole explosion, merely for want of a match to touch off the powder,
that was unendurable! She would not give it up; she would let herself be
guided by circumstances; something would be sure to turn up that would
serve her purpose; she must be on the alert, that was all, and let
things take their course. One thing troubled her--the day of the wedding
was not much over two months distant! Every thing must be done before
then. It was to be hoped that things would take their course with a
reasonable degree of rapidity.

As regarded the favorable result to herself of Bressant's separation
from Sophie, Cornelia seems never to have entertained a doubt. That he
would fall into a state of despair, and of bitterness against all women,
herself included, she was unable, consistently with her confidence in
herself, to believe. Far more natural was it, that, finding Sophie no
longer could care for him, he would seek to repose and refresh his heart
elsewhere: and where so soon as with Cornelia? Indeed it was a mystery
to her how he had ever come to care for Sophie at all; and the reason of
the mystery was, that she had felt a movement of passion in him toward
herself. There was certainly not much similarity between the sisters,
and it was not strange that Cornelia should be inclined to doubt the
validity of her rival's claim to supremacy in Bressant's heart.

Her rival! The current of events had already carried Cornelia a
considerable distance beyond her position on the evening of her return
from New York, when she had excused her beautiful appearance, to
herself, by suggesting that it would not do for the husband of her
sister to detest her! That was sophistry, and it was sophistry that
served her now; but the subjects upon which she exercised it were
becoming hourly more and more ticklish. The woman of two weeks back
would have started and turned pale before the woman of to-day.

It would be very funny--if it were not so deep a tragedy--the havoc
bungling human fingers make in essaying the work of Providence. No one
but God can know how delicate are the petals of his flowers, nor on what
depend their bloom and fragrance. Hearts are sacred things; we should
beware of meddling, not alone with others' but with our own.

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