Dawn: Chapter 35
Chapter 35
Had Arthur been a little less wrapped up in thoughts of Angela, and a
little more alive to the fact that, being engaged or even married to
one woman, does not necessarily prevent complications arising with
another, it might have occurred to him to doubt the prudence of the
course of life that he was pursuing at Madeira. And, as it is, it is
impossible to acquit him of showing a want of knowledge of the world
amounting almost to folly, for he should have known upon general
principles that, for a man in his position, a grizzly bear would have
been a safer daily companion than a young and lovely widow, and the
North Pole a more suitable place of residence than Madeira. But he
simply did not think about the matter, and, as thin ice has a
treacherous way of not cracking till it suddenly breaks, so outward
appearances gave him no indication of his danger.
And yet the facts were full of evil promise, for, as time went on,
Mildred Carr fell headlong in love with him. There was no particular
reason why she should have done so. She might have had scores of men,
handsomer, cleverer, more distinguished, for the asking, or, rather,
for the waiting to be asked. Beyond a certain ability of mind, a
taking manner, and a sympathetic, thoughtful face, with that tinge of
melancholy upon it which women sometimes find dangerously interesting,
there was nothing so remarkable about Arthur that a woman possessing
her manifold attractions and opportunities, should, unsought and
without inquiry, lavish her affection upon him. There is only one
satisfactory explanation of the phenomenon, which, indeed, is a very
common one, and that is, that he was her fate, the one man whom she
was to love in the world, for no woman worth the name ever _loves_
two, however many she may happen to marry. For this curious difference
would appear to exist between the sexes. The man can attach himself,
though in varying degree, to several women in the course of a
lifetime, whilst the woman, the true, pure-hearted woman, cannot so
adapt her best affection. Once given, like the law of the Medes and
Persians, it altereth not.
Mildred felt, when her eyes first met Arthur's in Donald Currie's
office, that this man was for her different from all other men, though
she did not put the thought in words even to herself. And from that
hour till she embarked on board the boat he was continually in her
mind, a fact which so irritated her that she nearly missed the steamer
on purpose, only changing her mind at the last moment. And then, when
she had helped him to carry Miss Terry to her cabin, their hands had
accidentally met, and the contact had sent a thrill through her frame
such as she had never felt before. The next development that she could
trace was her jealousy of the black-eyed girl whom she saw him helping
about the deck, and her consequent rudeness.
Up to her present age, Mildred Carr had never known a single touch of
love: she had not even felt particularly interested in her numerous
admirers, but now this marble Galatea had by some freak of fate found
a woman's heart, awkwardly enough, without the semblance of a
supplication on the part of him whom she destined to play Pygmalion.
And, when she examined herself by the light of the flame thus newly
kindled, she shrank back dismayed, like one who peeps over the crater
of a volcano commencing its fiery work. She had believed her heart to
be callous to all affection of this nature, it had seemed as dead as
the mummied hyacinth; and now it was a living, suffering thing, and
all alight with love. She had tasted of a new wine, and it burnt her,
and was bitter sweet, and yet she longed for more. And thus, by slow
and sad degrees, she learnt that her life, which had for thirty years
flowed on its quiet way unshadowed by love's wing, must henceforth own
his dominion, and be a slave to his sorrows and caprices. No wonder
that she grew afraid!
But Mildred was a woman of keen insight into character, and it did not
require that her powers of observation should be sharpened by the
condition of her affections, to show her that, however deeply she
might be in love with Arthur Heigham, he was not one little bit in
love with her. Knowing the almost irresistible strength of her own
beauty and attractions, she quickly came to the conclusion--and it was
one that sent a cold chill through her--that there must be some other
woman blocking the path to his heart. For some reason or other, Arthur
had never spoken to her of Angela, either because a man very rarely
volunteers information to a woman concerning his existing relationship
with another of her sex, knowing that to do so would be to depreciate
his value in her eyes, or from an instinctive knowledge that the
subject would not be an agreeable one, or perhaps because the whole
matter was too sacred to him. But she, on her part, was determined to
probe his secret to the bottom. So one sleepy afternoon, when they
were sitting on the museum verandah, about six weeks after the date of
their arrival in the island, she took her opportunity.
Mildred was sitting, or rather half lying, in a cane-work chair,
gazing out over the peaceful sea, and Arthur, looking at her, thought
what a lovely woman she was, and wondered what it was that had made
her face and eyes so much softer and more attractive of late. Miss
Terry was also there, complaining of the heat, but presently she moved
off after an imaginary beetle, and they were alone.
"Oh, by-the-by, Mr. Heigham," Mildred said, presently, "I was going to
ask you a question, if only I can remember what it is."
"Try to remember what it is about. 'Shoes, sealing-wax, cabbages, or
kings.' Does it come under any of those heads?"
"Ah, I remember now. If you had added 'queens,' you would not have
been far out. What I wanted to ask you----" and she turned her large,
brown eyes full upon him, and yawned slightly. "Dear me, Agatha is
right; it _is_ hot!"
"Well, I am waiting to give you any information in my power."
"Oh! to be sure, the question. Well, it is a very simple one. Who are
you engaged to?"
Arthur nearly sprang off his chair with astonishment.
"What makes you think that I am engaged?" he asked.
She broke into a merry peal of laughter. Ah! if he could have known
what that laugh cost her.
"What makes me think that you are engaged!" she answered, in a tone of
raillery. "Why, of course you would have been at my feet long ago, if
it had not been so. Come, don't be reticent. I shall not laugh at you.
What is she like?" (Generally a woman's first question about a rival.)
"Is she as good-looking--well, as I am, say--for, though you may not
think it, I have been thought good-looking."
"She is quite different from you; she is very tall and fair, like an
angel in a picture, you know."
"Oh! then there is a 'she,' and a 'she like an angel.' Very different
_indeed_ from me, I should think. How nicely I caught you out;" and
she laughed again.
"Why did you want to catch me out?" said Arthur, on whose ear Mrs.
Carr's tone jarred; he could not tell why.
"Feminine curiosity, and a natural anxiety to fathom the reasons of
your sighs, that is all. But never mind, Mr. Heigham, you and I shall
not quarrel because you are engaged to be married. You shall tell me
the story when you like, for I am sure there is a story--no, not this
afternoon; the sun has given me a headache, and I am going to sleep it
off. Other people's love-stories are very interesting to me, the more
so because I have reached the respectable age of thirty without being
the subject of one myself;" and again she laughed, this time at her
own falsehood. But, when he had gone, there was no laughter in her
eyes, nothing but tears, bitter, burning tears.
"Agatha," said Mildred that evening, "I am sick of this place. I want
to go to the Isle of Wight. It must be quite nice there now. We will
go by the next Currie boat."
"My dear Mildred," replied Miss Terry, aghast, "if you were going back
so soon, why did you not leave me behind you? And just as we were
getting so nicely settled here too, and I shall be so sorry to say
good-bye to that young Heigham, he is such a nice young man! Why don't
you marry him? I really thought you liked him. But, perhaps he is
coming to the Isle of Wight too. Oh, that dreadful bay!"
Mildred winced at Miss Terry's allusions to Arthur, of whom that lady
had grown extremely fond.
"I am very sorry, dear," she said, hastily; "but I am bored to death,
and it is such a bad insect year: so really you must begin to pack
up."
Miss Terry began to pack accordingly, but, when next she alluded to
the subject of their departure, Mildred affected surprise, and asked
her what she meant. The astonished Agatha referred her to her own
words, and was met by a laughing disclaimer.
"Why, you surely did not think that I was in earnest, did you? I was
only a little cross."
"Well, really, Mildred, you've got so strange lately that I never know
when you are in earnest and when you are not, though, for my part, I
am very glad to stay in peace and quiet."
"Strange, grown strange, have I!" said Mrs. Carr, looking dreamily out
of a window that commanded the carriage-drive, with her hands crossed
behind her. "Yes, I think that you are right. I think that I have lost
the old Mildred somewhere or other, and picked up a new one whom I
don't understand."
"Ah, indeed," remarked Miss Terry, in the most matter-of-fact way,
without having the faintest idea of what her friend was driving at.
"How it rains! I suppose that he won't come to-day."
"He! Who's he?"
"Why, how stupid you are! Mr. Heigham, of course!"
"So you always mean him, when you say 'he!'"
"Yes, of course I do, if it isn't ungrammatical. It is miserable this
afternoon. I feel wretched. Why, actually, here he comes!" and she
tore off like a school-girl into the hall, to meet him.
"Ah, indeed," again remarked Miss Terry, solemnly, to the empty walls.
"I am not such a fool as I look. I suppose that Mr. Heigham wouldn't
come to the Isle of Wight."
It is perhaps needless to say that Mrs. Carr had never been more in
earnest in her life than when she announced her intention of departing
to the Isle of Wight. The discovery that her suspicions about Arthur
had but too sure a foundation had been a crushing blow to her hopes,
and she had formed a wise resolution to see no more of him. Happy
would it have been for her, if she could have found the moral courage
to act up to it, and go away, a wiser, if a sadder, woman. But this
was not to be. The more she contemplated it, the more did her passion
--which was now both wild and deep--take hold upon her heart, eating
into it like acid into steel, and graving one name there in
ineffaceable letters. She could not bear the thought of parting from
him, and felt, or thought she felt, that her happiness was already too
deeply pledged to allow her to throw up the cards without an effort.
Fortune favours the brave. Perhaps, after all, it would declare itself
for her. She was modest in her aspirations. She did not expect that he
would ever give her the love he bore this other woman; she only asked
to live in the sunlight of his presence, and would be glad to take him
at his own price, or indeed at any price. Man, she knew, is by nature
as unstable as water, and will mostly melt beneath the eyes of more
women than one, as readily as ice before a fire when the sun has hid
his face. Yes, she would play the game out: she would not throw away
her life's happiness without an effort. After all, matters might have
been worse: he might have been actually married.
But she knew that her hand was a difficult one to lead from, though
she also knew that she held the great trumps--unusual beauty,
practically unlimited wealth, and considerable fascination of manner.
Her part must be to attract without repelling, charm without alarming,
fascinate by slow degrees, till at length he was involved in a net
from which there was no escape, and, above all, never to allow him to
suspect her motives till the ripe moment came. It was a hard task for
a proud woman to set herself, and, in a manner, she was proud; but,
alas, with the best of us, when love comes in at the door, pride,
reason, and sometimes honour, fly out the window.
And so Miss Terry heard no more talk of the Isle of Wight.
Thenceforward, under the frank and open guise of friendship, Mildred
contrived to keep Arthur continually at her side. She did more. She
drew from him all the history of his engagement to Angela, and
listened, with words of sympathy on her lips, and wrath and bitter
jealousy in her heart, to his enraptured descriptions of her rival's
beauty and perfections. So benighted was he, indeed, that once he went
so far as to suggest that he should, when he and Angela were married,
come to Madeira to spend their honeymoon, and dilated on the pleasant
trips which they three might take together.
"Truly," thought Mildred to herself, "that would be delightful." Once,
too, he even showed her a tress of Angela's hair, and, strange to say,
she found that there still lingered in her bosom a sufficient measure
of vulgar first principles to cause her to long to snatch it from him
and throw it into the sea. But, as it was, she smiled faintly, and
admired openly, and then went to the glass to look at her own nut-
brown tresses. Never had she been so dissatisfied with them, and yet
her hair was considered lovely, and an aesthetic hair-dresser had once
called it a "poem."
"Blind fool," she muttered, stamping her little foot upon the floor,
"why does he torture me so?"
Mildred forgot that all love is blind, and that none was ever blinder
or more headstrong than her own.
And so this second Calypso of a lovely isle set herself almost as
unblushingly as her prototype to get our very unheroic Ulysses into
her toils. And Penelope, poor Penelope, she sat at home and span, and
defied her would-be lovers.
But as yet Ulysses--I mean Arthur--was conscious of none of those
things. He was by nature an easy-going young gentleman, who took
matters as he found them, and asked no questions. And he found them
very pleasant at Madeira, or, rather, at the Quinta Carr, for he did
everything except sleep there. Within its precincts he was everywhere
surrounded with that atmosphere of subtle and refined flattery,
flattery addressed chiefly to the intellect, that is one of the most
effective weapons of a clever woman. Soon the drawing-room tables were
loaded with his favourite books, and no songs but such as he approved
were ordered from London.
He discovered one evening, for instance, that Mildred looked best at
night in black and silver, and next morning Mr. Worth received a
telegram requesting him to forward without delay a large consignment
of dresses in which those colours predominated.
On another occasion he casually threw out a suggestion about the
erection of a terrace in the garden, and shortly afterwards was
surprised to find a small army of Portuguese labourers engaged upon
the work. He had made this suggestion in total ignorance of the
science of garden engineering, and its execution necessitated the
removal of vast quantities of soil and the blasting of many tons of
rock. The contractor employed by Mrs. Carr pointed out how the terrace
could be made equally well at a fifth of the expense, but it did not
happen to take exactly the direction that Arthur had indicated, so she
would have none of it. His word was law, and, because he had spoken,
the whole place was for a month overrun with dirty labourers, whilst,
to the great detriment of Miss Terry's remaining nerves, and even to
the slight discomfort of His Royal Highness himself, the air resounded
all day long with the terrific bangs of the blasting powder.
But, so long as he was pleased with the progress of the improvement,
Mildred felt no discomfort, nor would she allow any one else to
express any. It even aggravated her to see Miss Terry put her hands to
her head and jump, whenever a particularly large piece of ordnance was
discharged, and she would vow that it must be affectation, because she
never even noticed it.
In short, Mildred Carr possessed to an extraordinary degree that
faculty for blind, unreasoning adoration which is so characteristic of
the sex, an adoration that is at once magnificent in the entirety of
its own self-sacrifice, and extremely selfish. When she thought that
she could please Arthur, the state of Agatha's nerves became a matter
of supreme indifference to her, and in the same way, had she been an
absolute monarch, she would have spent the lives of thousands, and
shaken empires till thrones came tumbling down like apples in the
wind, if she had believed that she could thereby advance herself in
his affections.
But, as it never occurred to Arthur that Mrs. Carr might be in love
with him, he saw nothing abnormal about all this. Not that he was
conceited, for nobody was ever less so, but it is wonderful what an
amount of flattery and attention men will accept from women as their
simple right. If the other sex possesses the faculty of admiration, we
in compensation are perfectly endowed with that of receiving it with
careless ease, and when we fall in with some goddess who is foolish
enough to worship _us_, and to whom _we_ should be on our knees, we
merely label her "sympathetic," and say that she "understands us."
From all of which wise reflections the reader will gather that our
friend Arthur was not a hundred miles off an awkward situation.