Dawn: Chapter 19
Chapter 19
Arthur's sleep was oppressed that night by horrible nightmares of
fighting dogs, whereof the largest and most ferocious was fitted with
George's red head, the effect of which, screwed, without any eye to
the fitness of things, to the body of the deceased Snarleyow, struck
him as peculiarly disagreeable. He himself was armed with a gun, and
whilst he was still arguing with Sir John Bellamy the nice point
whether, should he execute that particular animal, as he felt a carnal
longing to do, it would be manslaughter or dogslaughter, he found
himself wide awake.
It was very early in the morning of the 1st of May, and, contrary to
the usual experience of the inhabitants of these islands, the sky gave
promise of a particularly fine day, just the day for fishing. He did
not feel sleepy, and, had he done so, he had had enough of his doggy
dreams; so he got up, dressed, and taking his fishing-rod, let himself
out of the house as he had been instructed to do on the previous
evening, and, releasing Aleck from his outhouse, proceeded towards
Bratham Lake.
And about this time Angela woke up too, for she always rose early, and
ran to the window to see what sort of a day she had got for her
birthday. Seeing it to be so fine, she threw open the old lattice, at
which her pet raven Jack was already tapping to be admitted, and let
the sweet air play upon her face and neck, and thought what a
wonderful thing it was to be twenty years old. And then, kneeling by
the window, she said her prayers after her own fashion, thanking God
who had spared her to see this day, and praying Him to show her what
to do with her life, and, if it was His will, to make it a little less
lonely. Then she rose and dressed herself, feeling that now that she
had done with her teens, she was in every respect a woman grown--
indeed, quite old. And, in honour of the event, she chose out of her
scanty store of dresses, all of them made by Pigott and herself, her
very prettiest, the one she had had for Sunday wear last summer, a
tight-fitting robe of white stuff, with soft little frills round the
neck and wrists. Next she put on a pair of stout boots calculated to
keep out the morning dew, and started off.
Now all this had taken a good time, nearly an hour perhaps; for, being
her birthday, and there having been some mention of a young gentleman
who might possibly come to fish, she had plaited up her shining hair
with extra care, a very laborious business when your hair hangs down
to your knees.
Meanwhile our other early riser, Arthur, had made his way first to the
foot of the lake and then along the little path that skirted its area
till he came to Caresfoot Staff. Having sufficiently admired that
majestic oak, for he was a great lover of timber, he proceeded to
investigate the surrounding water with the eye of a true fisherman. A
few yards further up there jutted into the water that fragment of wall
on which stood the post, now quite rotten, to which Angela had bound
herself on the day of the great storm. At his feet, too, the
foundations of another wall ran out for some distance into the lake,
being, doubtless, the underpinning of an ancient boathouse, but this
did not rise out of the water, but stopped within six inches of the
surface. Between these two walls lay a very deep pool.
"Just the place for a heavy fish," reflected Arthur, and, even as he
thought it, he saw a five-pound carp rise nearly to the surface, in
order to clear the obstruction of the wall, and sink silently into the
depths.
Retiring carefully to one of two quaintly carven stone blocks placed
at the foot of the oak-tree, on which, doubtless, many a monk had sat
in meditation, he set himself to get his fishing-gear together.
Presently, however, struck by the beauty of the spot and its quiet,
only broken by the songs of many nesting birds, he stopped a while to
look around him. Above his head the branches of a great oak, now
clothing themselves with the most vivid green, formed a dome-like
roof, beneath the shade of which grew the softest moss, starred here
and there with primroses and violets. Outside the circle of its shadow
the brushwood of mingled hazel and ash-stubs rose thick and high,
ringing-in the little spot as with a wall, except where its depths
were pierced by the passage of a long green lane of limes that, unlike
the shrubberies, appeared to be kept in careful order, and of which
the arching boughs formed a perfect leafy tunnel. Before him lay the
lake where the long morning lights quivered and danced, as its calm
was now and again ruffled by a gentle breeze. The whole scene had a
lovely and peaceful look, and, gazing on it, Arthur fell into a
reverie.
Sitting thus dreamily, his face looked at its best, its expression of
gentle thoughtfulness giving it an attraction beyond what it was
entitled to, judged purely from a sculptor's point of view. It was an
intellectual face, a face that gave signs of great mental
possibilities, but for all that a little weak about the mouth. The
brow indicated some degree of power, and the mouth and eyes no small
capacities for affection and all sorts of human sympathy and kindness.
These last, in varying lights, could change as often as the English
climate; their groundwork, however, was blue, and they were honest and
bonny. In short, a man in looking at Arthur Heigham at the age of
twenty-four would have reflected that, even among English gentlemen,
he was remarkable for his gentleman-like appearance, and a "fellow one
would like to know;" a girl would have dubbed him "nice-looking;" and
a middle-aged woman--and most women do not really understand the
immense difference between men until they are getting on that way--
would have recognized in him a young man by no means uninteresting,
and one who might, according to the circumstances of his life, develop
into anything or--nothing in particular.
Presently, drawn by some unguessed attraction, Arthur took his eyes
off an industrious water-hen, who was building a nest in a hurried
way, as though she were not quite sure of his intentions, and
perceived a large raven standing on one leg on the grass, about three
yards from him, and peering at him comically out of one eye. This was
odd. But his glance did not stop at the raven, for a yard or two
beyond it he caught sight of a white skirt, and his eyes, travelling
upwards, saw first a rounded waist, and then a bust and pair of
shoulders such as few women can boast, and at last, another pair of
eyes; and he then and there fell utterly and irretrievably in love.
"Good heavens!" he said, aloud--poor fellow, he did not mean to say
it, it was wrung from the depths of his heart--"good heavens, how
lovely she is!"
Let the reader imagine the dreadful confusion produced in that other
pair of eyes at the open expression of such a sentiment, and the vivid
blush that stained the fair face in which they were set, if he can.
But somehow they did not grow angry--perhaps it was not in the nature
of the most sternly repressive young lady to grow angry at a
compliment which, however marked, was so evidently genuine and
unpremeditated. In another moment Arthur bethought him of what he had
said, and it was his turn to blush. He recovered himself pretty well,
however. Rising from his stone seat, he took off his hat, and said,
humbly,
"I beg your pardon, but you startled me so, and really for a moment I
thought that you were the spirit of the place, or," he added,
gracefully, pointing to a branch of half-opened hawthorn bloom she
held in her hand, "the original Queen of the May."
Angela blushed again. The compliment was only implied this time; she
had therefore no possible pretext for getting angry.
For a moment she dropped the sweet eyes that looked as though they
were fresh from reading the truths of heaven before his gaze of
unmistakable admiration, and stood confused; and, as she stood, it
struck Arthur that there was something more than mere beauty of form
and feature about her--an indescribable something, a glory of
innocence, a reflection of God's own light that tinged the worship her
loveliness commanded with a touch of reverential awe.
"The angels must look like that," he thought. But he had no time to
think any more, for next moment she had gathered up her courage in
both her hands, and was speaking to him in a soft voice, of which the
tones went ringing on through all the changes of his life.
"My father told me that he had asked you to come and fish, but I did
not expect to meet you so early. I--I fear that I am disturbing you,"
and she made as though she would be going.
Arthur felt that this was a contingency to be prevented at all
hazards.
"You are Miss Caresfoot," he said, hurriedly, "are you not?"
"Yes--I am Angela; I need not ask your name, my father told it me. You
are Mr. Arthur Heigham."
"Yes. And do you know that we are cousins?" This was a slight
exaggeration, but he was glad to advance any plea to her confidence
that occurred to him.
"Yes; my father said something about our being related. I have no
relations except my cousin George, and I am very glad to make the
acquaintance of one," and she held out her hand to him in a winning
way.
He took it almost reverently.
"You cannot," he said with much sincerity, "be more glad than I am. I,
too, am without relations. Till lately I had my mother, but she died
last year."
"Were you very fond of her?" she asked, softly.
He nodded in reply, and, feeling instinctively that she was on
delicate ground, Angela pursued the conversation no further.
Meanwhile Aleck had awoke from a comfortable sleep in which he was
indulging on the other stone seat, and, coming forward, sniffed at
Angela and wagged his tail in approval--a liberty that was instantly
resented by the big raven, who had now been joined by another not
quite so large. Advancing boldly, it pecked him sharply on the tail--a
proceeding that caused Master Aleck to jump round as quickly as his
maimed condition would allow him, only to receive a still harder peck
from its companion bird; indeed, it was not until Angela intervened
with the bough of hawthorn that they would cease from their attack.
"They are such jealous creatures," she explained; "they always follow
me about, and fly at every dog that comes near me. Poor dog! that is
the one, I suppose, who killed Snarleyow. My father told me all about
it."
"Yes, it is easy to see that," said Arthur, laughing, and pointing to
Aleck, who, indeed, was in lamentable case, having one eye entirely
closed, a large strip of plaster on his head, and all the rest of his
body more or less marked with bites. "It is an uncommonly awkward
business for me, and your cousin will not forgive it in a hurry, I
fancy; but it really was not poor Aleck's fault--he is gentle as a
lamb, if only he is let alone."
"He has a very honest face, though his nose does look as though it
were broken," she said, and, stooping down, she patted the dog.
"But I must be going in to breakfast," she went on, presently. "It is
eight o'clock; the sun always strikes that bough at eight in spring,"
and she pointed to a dead limb, half hidden by the budding foliage of
the oak.
"You must observe closely to have noticed that, but I do not think
that the sun is quite on it yet. I do not like to lose my new-found
relations in such a hurry," he added, with a somewhat forced smile,
"and I am to go away from here this evening."
The intelligence was evidently very little satisfactory to Angela, nor
did she attempt to conceal her concern.
"I am very sorry to hear that," she said. "I hoped you were going to
stay for some time."
"And so I might have, had it not been for that brute Aleck, but he has
put a long sojourn with your cousin and the ghost of Snarleyow out of
the question; so I suppose I must go by the 6.20 train. At any rate,"
he added, more brightly, as a thought struck him, "I must go from
Isleworth."
She did not appear to see the drift of the last part of his remark,
but answered,
"I am going with my father to call at Isleworth at three this
afternoon, so perhaps we shall meet again there; but now, before I go
in, I will show you a better place than this to fish, a little higher
up, where Jakes, our gardener, always sets his night-lines."
Arthur assented, as he would have been glad to assent to anything
likely to prolong the interview, and they walked off slowly together,
talking as cheerfully as a sense that the conversation must soon come
to an end would allow. The spot was reached all too soon, and Angela
with evident reluctance, for she was not accustomed to conceal her
feelings, said that she must now go.
"Why must you go so soon?"
"Well, to tell you the truth, to-day is my birthday--I am twenty
to-day--and I know that Pigott, my old nurse, means to give me a
little present at breakfast, and she will be dreadfully disappointed
if I am late. She has been thinking a great deal about it, you see."
"May I wish you many, very many, happy returns of the day? and"--with
a little hesitation--"may I also offer you a present, a very worthless
one I fear?"
"How can I----" stammered Angela, when he cut her short.
"Don't be afraid; it is nothing tangible, though it is something that
you may not think worth accepting."
"What do you mean?" she said bluntly, for her interest was aroused.
"Don't be angry. My present is only the offer of myself as your
sincere friend."
She blushed vividly as she answered,
"You are very kind. I have never had but one friend--Mr. Fraser; but,
if you think you can like me enough, it will make me very happy to be
your friend too." And in another second she was gone, with her ravens
flying after her, to receive her present and a jobation from Pigott
for being late, and to eat her breakfast with such appetite as an
entirely new set of sensations can give.
In the garden she met her father, walking up and down before the
house, and informed him that she had been talking to Mr. Heigham. He
looked up with a curious expression of interest.
"Why did you not ask him in to breakfast?" he said.
"Because there is nothing to eat except bread and milk."
"Ah!--well, perhaps you were right. I will go down and speak to him.
No; I forgot I shall see him this afternoon."
And Arthur, let those who disbelieve in love at first sight laugh if
they will, sat down to think, trembling in every limb, utterly shaken
by the inrush of a new and strong emotion. He had not come to the age
of twenty-four without some experience of the other sex, but never
before had he known any such sensation as that which now overpowered
him, never before had he fully realized what solitude meant as he did
now that she had left him. In youth, when love does come, he comes as
a strong man armed.
And so, steady and overwhelming all resistance, the full tide of a
pure passion poured itself into his heart. There was no pretence or
make-believe about it; the bold that sped from Angela's grey eyes had
gone straight home, and would remain an "ever-fixed mark," so long as
life itself should last.
For only once in a lifetime does a man succumb after this fashion. To
many, indeed, no such fortune--call it good or ill--will ever come,
since the majority of men flirt or marry, indulge in "platonic
friendships," or in a consistent course of admiration of their
neighbours' wives, as fate or fancy leads them, and wear their time
away without ever having known the meaning of such love as this. There
is no fixed rule about it; the most unlikely, even the more sordid and
contemptible of mankind, are liable to become the subjects of an
enduring passion; only then it raises them; for though strong
affection, especially, if unrequited, sometimes wears and enervates
the mind, its influence is, in the main, undoubtedly ennobling. But,
though such affection is bounded by no rule, it is curious to observe
how generally true are the old sayings which declare that a man's
thoughts return to his first real love, as naturally and unconsciously
as the needle, that has for a while been drawn aside by some
overmastering influence, returns to its magnetic pole. The needle has
wavered, but it has never shaken off its allegiance; that would be
against nature, and is therefore impossible; and so it is with the
heart. It is the eves that he loved as a lad which he sees through the
gathering darkness of his death-bed; it is a chance but that he will
always adore the star which first came to share his loneliness in this
shadowed world above all the shining multitudes in heaven.
And, though it is not every watcher who will find it, early or late,
that star may rise for him, as it did for Arthur now. A man may meet a
face which it is quite beyond his power to forget, and be touched of
lips that print their kiss upon his very heart. Yes, the star may
rise, to pursue its course, perhaps beyond the ken of his horizon, or
only to set again before he has learnt to understand its beauty--
rarely, very rarely, to shed its perfect light upon him for all his
time of watching. The star may rise and set; the sweet lips whose
touch still thrills him after so many years may lie to-day
"Beyond the graveyard's barren wall,"
or, worse still, have since been sold to some richer owner. But if
once it has risen, if once those lips have met, the memory _must_
remain; the Soul knows no forgetfulness, and, the little thread of
life spun out, will it not claim its own? For the compact that it has
sealed is holy among holy things; that love which it has given is of
its own nature, and not of the body alone--it is inscrutable as death,
and everlasting as the heavens.
Yes, the fiat has gone forth; for good or for evil, for comfort or for
scorn, for the world and for eternity, he loves her! Henceforth that
love, so lightly and yet so irredeemably given, will become the
guiding spirit of his inner life, rough-hewing his destinies,
directing his ends, and shooting its memories and hopes through the
whole fabric of his being like an interwoven thread of gold. He may
sin against it, but he can never forget it; other interests and ties
may overlay it, but they cannot extinguish it; he may drown its
fragrance in voluptuous scents, but, when these have satiated and
become hateful, it will re-arise, pure and sweet as ever. Time or
separation cannot destroy it--for it is immortal; use cannot stale it,
pain can only sanctify it. It will be to him as a beacon-light to the
sea-worn mariner that tells of home and peace upon the shore, as a
rainbow-promise set upon the sky. It alone of all things pertaining to
him will defy the attacks of the consuming years, and when, old and
withered, he lays him down to die, it will at last present itself
before his glazing eyes, an embodied joy, clad in shining robes, and
breathing the airs of Paradise!
For such is love to those to whom it has been given to see him face to
face.